Friday, July 22, 2011
My first .log... I can't type that letter....
..... that comes after a and .efore c coz our new kitten scratched it off the key.oard so .ear with me until I find another way! Gosh I'm going to .e really .ad at this!! Ah copy and paste the b! So that should have read, ..... My first My first blog...I can't type that letter....that comes after a and before c coz our new kitten scratched it off the keyboard so bear with me until I find another way! Gosh I'm going to be really bad at this!! I started this blog after reading the Wife in the North book which made me pee my pants laughing (can I write that?) and also made me want to write one of my own. A blog that is, not a book, at least not yet. Today my two kids have both gone to their separate Dad's homes. One in the North of Ireland and one in Milan. I do not expect anyone else to want to read this, except me, and perhaps my kids, and their respective Dads to see what it is exactly that Mum gets up too when the kids are away. When the cats away the mice will play. Well apart from playing with my keyboard my cat or should I say kitten, on hearing my arrival back to the homestead after dropping off my 2 babies, at least someone did! she threw everything possible at the utility room door until I opened it to feed her, empty poo laden litter tray, refill food bowl.... I gave her sausages. I did not want to have to cook the chopped up bits of various parts of animals that is in the freezer for the dog, so I cooked the dog and cat sausages. 10 for the dog, 2 cut up small for the kitten. The dog is almost my height so rather than go into his pen I instead poured water into his bowl from a large saucepan over the pen into the bowl, and washed the dog at the same time. This involved climbing the wall beside the pen, then realizing I had to get back down to carry up the saucepan of water. This was difficult in high heels, so got back down, took off heels, put large saucepan of water, which is very heavy you know! over the wall. Climbed back up on wall, lifted saucepan and poured over pen very precariously into dog water bowl. Missed most of bowl, washed lot of dog, repeated again as decided water which did get into bowl was not enough for large dog in uncharacteristically warm weather in wechest of Ireland (Wechest is how we pronounce it in the Wechest!) and after this I am exhausted! And so goes my first blog! and the first thing I did as a free Mum for the evening!
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See I can't sleep now. The dog is howling to a tune that sounds amazingly like the music that is played at the beginning of the hound of the baskervilles. I have beside my bed 1. A samurai sword smuggled somehow by son from sunny Spain as a gift for mammy, no perfume for me. 2. Another smaller samurai kind off sword that was a gift to younger son by his grandfather, no sweets or marbles available in his museum of a house there at time of birthday present giving. 3. I also have a golf club proudly presented by oldest son as a weapon of mass distruction against intruders for his vulnerable mother when man of the house is not in residence. As well as these tools to use against a possible intruder I have 1. Tyzer- the outside resident. A husky who cocks a weary eye at invaders to his home and if they do not carry half a cow over their arm he is happy to let them pass by with a cursory nod. 2. Then there is Molly the kitten, sex still to be determined, name changeable when sex is confirmed. Probably to Marcel, given younger son's Friends obsession. (Those not familiar with Friends, the 90's sitcom, please feel free to google.) Now if any burglar can get pass Molly then he/she is very experienced in the art of house burgalary with cat in house. I have always said, and will still say, if somebody voluntarily comes with the intention of breaking into my house they will first of all feel very insecure as to that fact that all doors will more than likely be open, as will my car perhaps still have keys in ignition. However, I hope that will have a can of petrol because I have just about enough to get to me to end of very steep driveway. Secondly, there is absolutely NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING worth taking that hasnt already got the bailiffs looking for. If it looks expensive, and its in my house, step back from the merchandise and dust off your fingerprints because its not paid for. If a burglar does make it up my stairs without the cat mauling them, do not even think of trying the door on the right. Thats MY DOOR. 72 pairs of solid steel high heel shoes WILL be aimed at your head while samurai swordS and golf club are doing their work. Do NOT go to room on your right as the MMA expert that never sleeps is only dying to get a free spar at you, and door number two will knock you alone by the smell of football socks and boots. Door number 3 will contain either one of my 4 absolutely mental sisters and door number four is where the men that they are finished with and lock up are kept. Keep going boys! Aint nothing worth getting here. Unless you are 1. single 2. handsome 3. rich 4. and not from thieving. night all
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